Some notes on a common criminal.
TiredI will hopefully know where exactly I want to go with this before too long. I have an idea.
If anyone is curious, yes, the writing style has a Chuck Palahniuk influence to it. Mr. palahniuk has a distinct style which always appealed to me, and it seemed to fit Allan's story quite accurately.
And finally, I have to mention a few institutions that are not in any way affiliated with, and have not endorsed, this piece (although a certain training video provided the inspiration for the story itself):
Aeropostale, Inc.
Saks 5th Avenue
the New York City Department of Transportation
I have a feeling this list will get longer as the story progresses.
Now that all that is over, I would like to allow you to get to know Allan DeWitt. Our friend Allan has passed the Mary Sue Litmus Test with flying colors (He is ranked a “Not-Sue” with a score of 12), and will now be put through the local character survey.
Ready?
1. What is your character's name?
Allan DeWitt.
2. What is your character's name in another language?
I don’t know. I don’t care. Can’t imagine he does, either.
3. How old is he?
34.
4. What is your character's race/species?
Extremely human.
5. Do they have a crush?
Maybe.
6. Do they have many friends?
He’s the kind of guy who doesn’t have many mutual friends, but a whole lot of people who think they’re close to him.
7. What planet is your character from?
Earth.
Some people live on Earth, kids.
8. Does your character like to eat?
As much as anyone else.
9. What's his/her favorite food?
Ravioli. Mostly Chef Boyardee.
10. What's his/her favorite drink?
He likes ginger ale.
11. Is your character annoying?
No. He’s polite and stuff. If he weren’t a thief, he’d be a good guy.
12. Is your character loved? (as in does anyone have a crush on them?)
In a way.
13. Is your character hated?
Only indirectly.
14. Is he emo/goth?
God, no. He works retail.
15. Is he straight, bisexual, or gay?
Straight.
16. Is he a virgin?
Not remotely.
17. Name 3 hobbies
a) Both his types of work
b) Logic puzzles
c) Teri. Perhaps you've met.
18. Is your character normal?
That depends on when you tune in to him.
19. Is your character attractive?
Not by my taste.
20. How does your character handle emotions?
In a sardonic and slightly twisted fashion.
21. Does your character have other forms?
He hopes not.
22. Does your character overreact?
Nah.
23. Is your character a criminal?
Professionally, in fact.
24. Does your character go to school?
Not currently. He’s a high school graduate, and spent some time in community college.
25. What's his/her IQ?
A little above average. He’s only a retail manager. Come on.
26. Does your character have a disease/curse?
Not that I’m aware of.
27. Is your character dead?
No.
28. Does your character have a family?
Probably.
29. Has she encountered any tragic times in life?
Yes. He doesn’t know it, but he’s working on fixing them.
30. What's the best time in your character's life?
About 6 years ago.
31. If you could name 1 friend, which would you relate to your character?
Physically, A co-worker named Mike.
I don’t know anyone related to him mentally.
32. Is your character single?
Yes.
33. Has he developed any relationships?
Not the romantic sort.
34. Does he have an element?
He’s pretty earthy.
35. Do you roleplay your character?
Nope. he would be a ridiculous RPG character.
36. Do you write about your character?
Indeed.
37. Does your character have a bad temper at times?
Not usually. He’s more sulky than bad-tempered.
38. Does your character get depressed?
Of course. Doesn’t everyone?
39. What's your characters favorite animal?
he seems like the big dog type.
40. Does your character have any fears?
Tons.
41. Does your character have any weaknesses?
Many. He’s a thief. That qualifies.
42. Does your character look up to anyone?
Marlon Brando. Don’t ask me why.
43. Does your character like music?
Sure. Classic Rock.
44. What's your character's favorite type of music?
Classic Rock. AC/DC especially.
45. Is she impatient?
Not usually. He can always tolerate other people.
46. What's something funny about your character?
He hates bananas.
47. Name 5 nicknames
No, thank you.
48. Does your character curse?
He can usually find much better words.
49. This test is over, what does your character have to say?
He made some sort of comment comparing you to Shiitake mushrooms. I wasn’t really listening.
--
Don't you know about the bird? EVERYBODY's talking about the bird!! Bird, bird, the bird is the word.
--
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. ART, is knowing which ones to keep.
I've always respected you and regarded you very highly as a writer, so to have you think one of my pieces is astounding is the highest compliment for me.
Thanks for the fave [=
--
~GBSTA
you're on here!
and i had no clue.
hehe
amazing, man.
love love love
-kaelyn-
--
Hookah Days at Dan's House
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3.The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
--
One chance to tell you at my fingertips
I'll have an eternity to cry
One last chance to kiss your lips
An eternity to die
~Bri
for food.
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.
FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM
FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we fucked up ... but that was fun!"
FAKE FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
REAL FRIIENDS: Cry with you
FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget it’s yours.
FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd’s ass that left you.
FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"
FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
FAKE FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Drink up." And rape you later.
FAKE FRIENDS: will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the fuck out.
I'm your best buddddddy.
--
One chance to tell you at my fingertips
I'll have an eternity to cry
One last chance to kiss your lips
An eternity to die
~Bri
P.S. Totally love your writing!
--
I've Learned You Can't Make Someone Love You...
You Just Have To Stalk Them And Hope That They Give In Eventually.
--
~Tails
"Here's to those who wish us well, and those who don't, can go to hell."
--
I've Learned You Can't Make Someone Love You...
You Just Have To Stalk Them And Hope That They Give In Eventually.
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